Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
