my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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