My friends, they love my intelligence
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
