sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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