my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
