Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
