I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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