so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
