you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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