the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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