Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
