I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
