9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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