You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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