hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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