then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
