..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Randomize
