I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
