So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
