We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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