1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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