Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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