Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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