yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
