I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
