I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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