Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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