so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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