I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
