Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
