this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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