Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
