fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
