it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
