If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
