Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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