im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
