Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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