I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
