I just threw up on my dentist
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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