Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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