Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I look better un-naked...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
