so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
