you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
