we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Randomize
