finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
