Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
