I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
