I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
