i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
