the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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