Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
