hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
