i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
